I know, I know — it’s been two months since I’ve posted anything. Though, in fairness to me, I did say this would happen. It hasn’t been without thought; I’ve drafted some posts and formulated ideas in my head. But none of them have made it to “print” for one major reason.
I’m tired.
Tired of a pandemic that continues to be politicized. Tired of opinions and feelings mattering more than science and math. Tired of the living wage gap. Tired of being under-appreciated. Tired of reply guys. Tired of the bullshit. Tired of being online.
I’m not even enjoying this fantasy season. I’ve barely played any DFS, and have seen my number of weekly wagers go down — mostly because I simply do not feel like logging in and placing the bet. Anytime I’m not working, coaching, or fulfilling some other obligation, I’m trying to do as little as possible. Mostly playing MLB The Show (amicsta on XBox if you want the smoke).
Is that depression? I already see a therapist every week because of my OCD — which, I may add, has been fantastic to deal with when half the people around you do not believe in science — so I suppose we could just add it to the list. Maybe we’ll try to make some time for a second session, but I’m not really that worried about it. Maybe I’ve just burnt myself out from doing so much stuff in the past. I am still putting plenty of time into teaching and coaching in the fall as is.
Anyway, I turned off the replies on Twitter late in the summer, and will probably be doing that again. There isn’t room for real discussion online right now. Every take and opinion is pre-cultivated — nobody wants to really talk and learn. They just want you to agree with them, and if you don’t it gets shoved down your throat harder or you get called an idiot.
I’m guilty of this too — it has become almost necessary to take firmer stances as a preventative measure for this kind of behavior. Especially when dealing with facts, which somehow continue to be under dispute in our society. I’ll probably just keep to shit-posting in an attempt to fill the void with some laughs for everyone. Nobody really cares what I think anyway.
And that isn’t to say this fall has been all bad. I had the opportunity to be the head coach and play-caller for one of our football games, in what was undoubtedly one of the best nights of my life.
Coaching has been a tremendous escape for me this year. It is always great to work with kids and be a bigger part of their lives. Even in a time where teaching and coaching can be…complicated, rarely are those complications the work of children. I certainly think some of my more long-term goals may be putting more time in there versus fantasy sports.
So why write this post? Maybe it’s cathartic. Maybe I’m just looking for attention. Maybe I don’t have anything better to do with my game canceled this week due to COVID. Maybe I feel like I owe you something. Maybe I think many of you feel the same way.
I’m too tired to explain.